I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
