It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
