Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How does one acquire holy water?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
