Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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