did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
