you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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