I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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