It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
