I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
