1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
