And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
