when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
