Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
no, he came in my armpit
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
