Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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