So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
