Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
