how can u be prego again
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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