hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
