fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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