Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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