i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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