I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
