I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
