Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
