a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
