Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
