Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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