Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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