it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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