she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
