I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
