What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
