the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
