I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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