i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
