His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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