I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
