Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
