im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
