I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
