Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
