It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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