I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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