so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
