he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
