dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
