Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
