im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
