guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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