oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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