I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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