I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
