Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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