I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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