by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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